Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
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