Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
