Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
