I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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