so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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