New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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