Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
