4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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