I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
