His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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