one word: firstdatebathroomanal
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
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