come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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