I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I cut my penus on the lid.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Randomize