hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
