highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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