I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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