I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
