Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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