just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
