please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
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