i think my mom watched the whole time
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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