I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
