i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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