I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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