i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
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When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
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So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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