I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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