Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
