i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
farters have to be the big spoon...
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
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