this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
