My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
