apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Randomize
