why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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