hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
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