I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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