I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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