I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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