what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
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