I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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