I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
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Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
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Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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