You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
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