Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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