y did u give ur computer a hand job?
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
