how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I am midnight drunk by noon
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
