Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
