plz talk dirty to me
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize
