I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
