I can tuck mytits in my pants
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
