So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
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