I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
i barfeds in our rink
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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