When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Randomize
