As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
