we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
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shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
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I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
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