Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
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The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
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Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
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