my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
