At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
