You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
