just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
