i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Randomize
