stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize