Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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