He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
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