In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
