i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
